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Dos
1. Learn about narcissism. It is difficult for most people to understand the psychology behind narcissistic personality.
Narcissists, who are emotionally impaired young children, lack empathy, self-awareness, and stable self-esteem. They are driven by an exaggerated compensatory persona of superiority and entitlement and see the world in black and white. Your boss isn't just convinced he's better or more worthy than you. His identity, self-esteem and motivation are based on this belief.
2. Do not be afraid to identify the narcissism of your boss. You can easily spot a domineering boss because they demand control and attention. Passive-aggressive are more visible narcissists. They often go to great lengths to hide their selfishness and create a positive public image.
3. Do validate your boss. To function, narcissists require constant attention and admiration. They need others to inflate their balloons to keep them afloat, just like hot-air balloons.
When possible, validate your boss. Positive feedback and praise are encouraged.
4. Do manage your expectations. Your boss may expect validation from you, but don't expect her to return the favour. While you may want to be acknowledged and respected, it is not unusual for a narcissist to give others genuine validation without strings attached. It will be easier to manage your day-to-day life if you accept this reality sooner than later.
5. Your success should be aligned with your boss's. It may seem unfair, but your boss will only care if something is for him. He will also take responsibility for your hard work and good ideas. You can find ways to align your success and his so that he feels invested in what you do well.
6. Avoid conflict. Narcissists are known for creating drama to manipulate others and get attention. This can often lead to conflict. You can do your best to prevent and avoid problems from happening. But, it would help if you also tried to keep your head low and stay out of the fray.
7. Be reliable, professional and confident. It's not always easy, especially if your boss does the opposite. But you must bring your A-game to work.
Your boss is narcissistic and will expect you to meet unreasonable standards. She will also look for weaknesses to exploit or attack. You don't have to give your boss ammunition by being late, dressing in inappropriate ways, or showing self-doubts. You can't go low if she does.
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8. Do consider your boundaries. Narcissists will disregard boundaries as a routine. No matter if your boss asks for more responsibilities than you have or asks you to do evil things, it is essential to think about your capabilities and to be open to the possibility of being held accountable. You can document violations and share them with someone you trust to have proof in case you need it.
9. Have other outlets than work. You don't have to accept the personal attacks of being a narcissist. However, it would help if you found ways to release the frustration. Also, you should have healthy routines and self-care. Include time for rest, exercise and creative pursuits.
10. Make an exit strategy. A narcissist can destroy one's self-esteem as well as the personal agency. It can be challenging to manage the situation well, and it can have a devastating effect on your physical and emotional health.
Your boss will not stop pushing you to impossible standards. He won't be fair, and he won't help but make sure that your conscience is never raised. It is your responsibility to find a way out of this situation.
Don'ts
1. Expect fair play and reciprocity. Narcissists ignore rules, violate ethics and steal ideas. They also conduct smear campaigns, deny responsibility and project their behaviour without a second thought.
2. Don't expect loyalty. Narcissists expect loyalty to others, even if they don't earn it or return it. So no matter what he claims, your boss will not be your champion.
3. Don't criticize. Narcissists are known for distributing blame but not taking it. The narcissist is always the first to blame and take responsibility but the last to give feedback or accept responsibility. Even the slightest hint of criticism can cause rage and other passive-aggressive punishments.
4. Do not show vulnerability. Narcissists see life as a battleground, where survival is at stake, and everyone wants for their own sake. As a result, your boss will file information against you if you are open to sharing your feelings or lowering your guard.
5. Do not take it personally. Narcissists can make things very personal. They magnify your weaknesses, exploit your vulnerability, play on your hopes, and compulsively project your emotions and issues onto you.
The bottom line is that narcissists are all about themselves. They don't see you and don't care about what you have to offer.
6. Don't expect credit. Giving credit to others is a personal loss in a narcissist's zero-sum-game mentality. Expect recognition from your boss. If someone credits you, your boss will take responsibility.
7. Do not try to justify, excuse, or explain yourself. Arguments or explanations of why you are late or missed a deadline or something else will be futile and cause impatience or contempt. The narcissist doesn't care about your reasons and views your defence as a weakness that must be attacked.
8. Don't fawn. Your boss may need your approval and turn to you for praise and bolstering, but don't sound too sincere. Narcissists tend to be hypervigilant and can't bear to look foolish or out of control.
9. Your self-esteem should not be at risk. Everyone needs to feel purposeful and competent in their work, but that shouldn't be a part of your self-worth. Your boss shouldn't make it seem that way.
10. Do not lose sight of your goals. You may have a narcissistic boss. This could be because you come from a family with narcissistic parents or other traumatizing backgrounds. These children often relive the same dynamics in their adult relationships, both personal and professional. Does this resonate with you? Then seek out more information and support. Awareness is the first step to healing.
DOs
Learn more about narcissism
Understanding the psychology of narcissistic personality can be difficult for many. These people view the world in black-and-white. They are driven by a sense of superiority and entitlement and think hierarchically.
Validate your boss
Narcissist bosses need a never-ending flow of attention and admiration. They are like a hot-air balloon that can't stay inflated if there aren't others to help them. If you can, validate your narcissistic boss. Highlight their strengths and successes. Give them positive feedback and praise.
To manipulate their workers and gain attention, narcissist bosses will often create dramatic situations to get Attention. Conflict in the workplace often results from the take no prisoners approach they enjoy using. Avoid problems whenever possible. Keep your head down and keep your nose clean if you can't.
DON'Ts
Avoid criticizing your boss.
One thing that narcissistic bosses have in common is their ability to dish out blame on others but not take responsibility for it. Even minor criticism, such as questioning their ideas, can lead to a series of passive-aggressive punishments or even outright rage.
Sources:
https://www.potentash.com/2021/11/16/dos-working-narcissist-boss-donts/
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